[The scene opens with Hedwig flying to Hogwarts, dropping a letter on one of the chairs in the Gryffindor Common Room. Harry, Ron and Hermione enter the room in mid-conversation.]
Hermione: But that doesn't make any sense. Hags aren't vegetarian...
Ron: Hermione, it's a joke!
Harry: What's this owl doing here? Why isn't it in the owlery?
Hermione: Must have flown in through the wrong window. There's a letter.
[Harry picks up the letter and opens it. They all sit at a table.]
Harry: I can't make it out. It's all smudged. I think it's from the Minister.
Ron: What's he ever done for us? [Takes his wand from his pocket] I'll get rid of it. I've been practising my conflaguration spell.
Hermione: Wait a minute. [Hermione takes the letter away from Ron] It doesn't say Minister for Magic. It says Prime Minister.
Harry: What, the muggle one? What's he want?
Ron: Sounds a bit desparate...
Harry: He's not being very choosy, is he?
Hermione: [Continues reading] A terrible crime has befallen the country. Her Majesty the Queen's handbag has been stolen.
Ron: Lord Voldemort's getting really inventive.
Harry: I dunno, I can't really see Voldemort with a handbag myself.
Hermione: There's more. [Continues reading] This handbag contains the reading glasses her Majesty is due to use to read her speech at her 80th birthday celebrations.
Harry: That's today isn't it? Peeves was using it as an excuse to drop red, white and blue eggs over everybody at breakfast. [Takes the letter off Hermione and continues reading] We urgently need you help. We don't know who could've taken the bag or how to get it back. We've tried everything. [Finishes reading] I know they use veritaserum to make thieves at the Ministry confess.
Hermione: But we don't know who the thief is.
Harry: Oh yeah, good point.
Hermione: There must be another way. It can't be that difficult.
[Harry gets up and points his wand at the table]
Harry: Accio lost handbag!
[The spell produces nothing. Harry indicates for Ron to come and help.]
Harry & Ron: Accio lost handbag!
[A heap of handbags appear on the table]
Harry: It's bound to be one of these.
[They start going through the bags. Hermione finds a stuffed bird and Harry finds a sandwhich. Neville enters the room.]
Neville: What are you doing with my Gran's handbag?
Ron: Hey, Neville, your Gran isn't the Queen, is she?
Neville: What??
Hermione: Ron, none of these handbags are the Queen's. We're too far away from Buckingham Palace to work the Accio charm.
[Ron meanwhile is still searching through a bag]
Neville: I wouldn't put your hand in there, Ron.
[Ron gasps and lifts his fingers out. They're caught in a mouse trap.]
Harry: Who keeps a mouse trap in a handbag?!
Neville: My Gran, ever since she put her hand in her bag in 1947 and found a fanged gerbil in there. My Grandad thought she'd find it funny.
[Ron grimaces in pain, trying to get it off]
Hermione: I've got an idea.
Ron: [Thinking she's on about his hand] Brilliant, could you hurry?
[Hermione goes to another table and sits down, writing a note]
Ron: I'm losing the circulation in my finger.
Hermione: We'll send a message to the Palace. It'll just mean a temporary transferance of magical power. We can easily do that.
[Harry gives the note to Hedwig]
Harry: Off you go! Buckingham Palace! You can't miss it. Big white place with a flag on top.
[Courtesy of Snitch Seeker || 25 June 2006]